“[Laughter] helps. [Laughter] heals” (Wilcox). In Proverbs 17:22 we read “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” “Studies show that humor and laughter help people live longer, happier lives; be more creative and productive; and have more energy with less physical discomfort. Humor reduces stress, fear, intimidation, embarrassment, and anger. Laughter also has extraordinary healing power” (Palmer). “The ability to laugh at everyday family difficulties helps keep life in perspective... Laughter... brings families together... Laughter improves communication and builds relationships because everyone laughs in the same language” (Palmer).
Yet we are also admonished several times in the Doctrine and Covenants to avoid an excess of laughter. This kind of laughter refers to light-mindedness, which should not be confused with lightheartedness. “Light-mindedness is a deliberate irreverence that trivializes the sacred... Clearly, Church doctrines, ordinances, and temple ceremonies are not to be objects of humor, for we must 'trifle not with sacred things' (D&C 6:12). Lightheartedness, on the other hand, refers to the zestful joy found in wholesome gospel living.
In addition to light-mindedness, we need to avoid “hurtful humor, which is [humor] at someone else's expense... Even a hasty 'just kidding' doesn't excuse put-downs and other rude forms of hurtful humor... Many remember hurtful comments for years, and relationships may be damaged or destroyed” (Wilcox).
“One Sunday morning, a young man came to priesthood meeting dressing in his first suit, a hand-me-down passed to him from his older brothers. Although the suit was a little large for him, the high-schooler felt well dressed as he entered the foyer where other young people were gathering.
“A young man who had been in the presidencies of the deacons, teachers, and priests quorums greeted the new arrival in a sarcastic voice loud enough for all to hear: 'Say, that's a fine suit you have on, but didn't they have one that would fit you?' Everyone laughed.
“Stunned by the experience, the boy turned and quickly left the chapel. Hurt, angry, and embarrassed, he vowed he would never go back. Happily, despite his vow, this teenager did return to church. In fact, he now serves as... President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, but President Boyd K. Packer still remembers the thoughtless words and mocking laughter.” (Wilcox)
One of the most damaging forms of humor is sarcasm. “Though often meant to be harmless, sarcasm denotes insensitivity to the feelings of others, stemming either from thoughtlessness or maliciousness” (Rawlins). “The scriptures instruct us to strengthen one another in all our conversations (see D&C 108:7). Humor should [only] be used to build and uplift” (Wilcox). Just as the scriptures warn against the inappropriate, they also teach us to worship 'with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance' (D&C 59:15)” (Wilcox).
Spirituality does not mean constant solemnity. Many General Authorities begin their Conference talks with a joke. President Monson loves to share stories that warm our hearts and make us laugh. The Prophet Joseph Smith described himself as “playful and cheerful” (Smith). And President Heber C. Kimball taught that God “is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured being” (Deseret). Brigham Young summed it up well when he described appropriate humor as “joy and gladness that is... full of meaning and sense” (Young) as opposed to vain or meaningless laughter.
Good “humor can improve our perspective and lighten our load” (Wilcox). How often do we let ourselves become upset over trivial things? Anger will never repair the damage, but laughter can ward off any unkind words and make everyone feel better. A couple weeks ago, Bekka managed to get the cap off my new tube of lipstick. By the time I found her, it was all over her arms and face, smeared on her clothes, and smashed into the carpet. I knew that no amount of angry words could clean up the carpet or get the lipstick back to being usable. So I just laughed and took a picture.
How many of you have heard, or even said, “Someday, you'll look back and laugh about it”? If you'll laugh about it someday, why not try to laugh about it now? Why waste time being sad or angry, when we can just skip to the laughter?
“We can't always choose what we look at, but we can choose what we see” (Wilcox). Choosing to find the humor in situations will not only make us happier people, but it will strengthen relationships that could otherwise be damaged by angry or hurtful words. We need to learn to laugh at ourselves, instead of tearing ourselves down because of our shortcomings. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “We've got to have a little humor in our lives. You had better take seriously that which should be taken seriously, but at the same time, we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can't smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time” (Hinckley).
Gratitude is another important tool that improves our perspective and helps us choose happiness. A grateful heart is particularly helpful as we cope with life's challenges. I love the hymn, “Count Your Blessings.”
When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed/ When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost/ Count your many blessings; name them one by one/ And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?/ Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?/ Count your many blessings; ev'ry doubt will fly/ And you will be singing as the days go by. So amid the conflict, whether great or small/ Do not be discouraged; God is over all./ Count your many blessings; angels will attend/ Help and comfort give you to your journey's end. (Hymn 252, Count Your Blessings)
Feeling and expressing gratitude can truly help us overcome feelings of discouragement. No matter our burden, no matter our trials, great or small, we will be lifted up and comforted if we just take the time to count our blessings.
President James E. Faust taught that “a grateful heart... is a foundation for... happiness” (Faust). And in the October 2010 General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson quoted the Greek philosopher Epictetus: “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has” (Monson). If we “live with a spirit of thanksgiving... [we] will have a greater happiness... in life. Even in [our] most difficult times, [we] can find much to be grateful for” (Gratitude). “When we recognize our many blessings – and show gratitude for them – we develop a positive, optimistic attitude. It truly makes us happier” (Bailey).
We all want to be happy, and the purpose of our very existence is for us to obtain joy. But at times our challenges seem unbearable and insurmountable. According to the laws of heaven, we must experience grief if we are to know joy. The question is not if, but when disaster strikes, will you dwell on your suffering, or will you have the courage to choose happiness?
I know everyone faces different challenges. Some people struggle with health issues; others with financial troubles; some struggle with family difficulties; others with the loss of a loved one; the list seems endless. And since this life is supposed to be a time of growth and perfection for us, it is little wonder we are often faced with the trials that are most difficult for us to overcome.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted nothing more than to be a wife and a mother. Nine months after marrying my best friend in the temple, our lives were forever changed by the birth of our son. For the next four months, my life was truly perfect. I had just graduated from BYU, I was married to the most incredible man, and I had a perfectly healthy and happy and handsome baby boy. And then, completely unexpectedly, our son passed away in his sleep. My world was shattered and I felt that I would never smile, let alone laugh again.
I don't share this experience because I want your pity. I share it because I want you to know that I have experienced firsthand the power of choosing happiness, and how vital laughter and gratitude are when coping with grief.
I remember the first time I laughed after Riley passed away. We were talking about the way he kicked his feet in delight the first time I gave him mashed bananas. Our hearts still ache every day, because we miss Riley so very much. But that day, we chose to remember, and even laugh about the happy moments we shared with him. It wasn't until I learned to laugh again that I knew I could genuinely be happy again.
I still have difficult days, but my life is full of joy and I am so very grateful for all the blessings God has given me. Throughout my trials, I have been surrounded and supported by friends and family; I was raised with the truths of the gospel and had developed an unshakable testimony before the darkness of tribulation hit; I have a wonderful, supportive, loving husband who truly is my best friend; I get to spend every day with my sweet baby girl, who brings so much light into our lives; through the sacred sealing powers I will be with my husband and my children forever, and I will have the opportunity to raise my son.
I admit, there have been times when I have felt guilty for being so happy. But then I remember that we are not meant to be miserable. God wants us to have joy. And for me, I know my son wants me to be happy too, and I look forward to being reunited with him, because families are forever. No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, there is always a path back to happiness.
How can we have the strength to choose laughter, gratitude, and happiness in a world full of sorrow? Because we have the gospel, which is “the ultimate formula for happiness” (Uchtdorf). Because “misfortune and hardship lose their tragedy when viewed through the lens of the Atonement” (Olson). Because our Savior Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice gives us hope in the promise that all will be made right.
Life will be full of trials, but we can always choose happiness. Laughter and gratitude can be powerful tools to help us improve our attitude and “successfully cope with challenges” (Wilcox). If we trust in God and consciously strive to enjoy life, we will be better able to endure our trials, for the Lord will make our burdens light and strengthen us, that we may bear our burdens with ease (see Mosiah 24:15).
We are, that we might have joy (see Nephi 2:25). Learn to laugh, count your blessings, and “be of good cheer; [Christ has] overcome the world” (John 16:33).
I testify that we are meant to be happy, and that happiness is a choice. Armed with good humor, gratitude and, most importantly, faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement, we can have joy in our life, no matter the challenges we face.
Works Cited
Bailey, Tamara Leatham. Idea List: Grateful and GladDeseret News, 25 Feb. 1857
Faust, James E. Gratitude As a Saving Principle. Ensign, Dec. 1996
Gratitude. For the Strength of Youth
Hinckley, Gordon B. Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley. (1997), 432
Monson, Thomas S. The Divine Gift of Gratitude. Ensign, Nov. 2010
Olson, Camille Fronk. Be of Good Cheer: Choosing Happiness. Ensign, Jul. 2011
Palmer, Gary K. The Power of Laughter. Ensign, Sept. 2007
Rawlins, Peter B. A Serious Look at Humor. Ensign, Aug. 1974
Smith, Joseph. Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith. (1976), 307
Uchtdorf, Dieter F. The Way of the Disciple. Ensign, May 2009
Wilcox, Brad. If We Can Laugh At It, We Can Live With It. Ensign, Mar. 2000
Young, Brigham. JD 9:290.
